I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
