Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Randomize
