Since when is my name a synonym for head?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
