im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
