when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You pole danced in your parka.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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