Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I am full of burrito and curiosity
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
