after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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