I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
She's the barista slut.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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