you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
