If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
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