Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
