My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
We left an ass print on the piano.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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