Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize