Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
