just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Randomize
