This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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