You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
