wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
