So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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