I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
