dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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