my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
