i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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