My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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