dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
