I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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