thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
