4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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