You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
