I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
