Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
