I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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