Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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