i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
