I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
