Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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