It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
