I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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