The brown eye won't let me do that either.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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