there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I will pee on everything he values.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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