He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
