her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
