actually, I'm a sock model
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
