If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
