my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
