i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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