My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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