u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
