if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
