Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
