what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
