But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Randomize
