I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
