Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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