my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
