my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
